fuck this job.com

I've been credit crunched out of a banking analyst job, after a 2 year contract.

A good thing about a downturn is that being on the bench is socially acceptable, to the extent that unemployed IT contractors have much of a peer group, anyway. The bad part is that when the summer ends, and you have to think about going to work, then the competition is stiff and rates are down.

Anyways, I have a couple of things to share with you:
1) Being unemployed is fine until you start getting money problems, then even a shit job is better, really it is. If job is shit, look for different job.

Hello dear people. My project finishes this month after 2 years. It's been my longest contract since the dot com crash, and excellent in parts. But... much woe and labour has been caused to me by the incompetent cunts that make up Accenture Consulting.

Who are Accenture Consulting and why do they require detailed bile? Glad you asked!:

Some may recall Andersen Consulting - they were rebranded Accenture. Omnipresent in airports for the last decade, are posters of Tiger Woods inviting executives to "Be a Tiger!" and so experience the benefits of positive synergy.

3 months - the last 3 months - is the longest I have ever been jobless. It was beginning to get me down.

Sure I love loafing, but I have a family to support - kind of takes the shine off the potential for endless fun. Also, enough of anything is enough.

The best part was spending the summer with my kids while they are still nippers and want to do everything with their Dad.

So.... here's the good news.

I've got a new contract from next week, after 3 months on my butt.

It's at the same company as my last role, but a completely different division, none of the same people. Helps paper over the crack on my resume. Also $170/day more.

I work on a doomed project. Like all other projects here, it is late and overbudget.

But mine is more doomed than most. It's a "slap a bandaid on an amputation", a "too little too late", a "let's pretend we're doing something" project. It involves huge COLOSSAL amounts of paperwork that NOBODY reads.

For me it's good: It fills in the gap on my CV which after 6 weeks out of work I was worrying about - it's the same client so it will just look continuous.

I arrive, work like crazy, then split to pick up my daughters from school. This lets my wife work, which she seems to enjoy. I *know* this is a sweet deal while it lasts. But...

My last client just asked me back, after terminating my contract six weeks back.

They pay plenty. I'm out of work. So, rationally, I should take it. I'm not about to get all huffy and say fuck em.

But, I can't figure out why they want me back.

Is it that they want me to share the suffering? "You attempted to escape, mwah ha ha! Come back and SUCK SATAN'S COCK. Feel it's extra tangy taste - that's from giving to you in the ass again!!!"

It recalls to me what I didn't like about the place, which is that everyone who works there is kind of second rate. Make that third rate. By being there, I am lowering my game and it feels kind of cheapening.

Last day at work today. Got notice 10 days back.

All those usual last day things will happen - Clear out my desk. Give in my pass. Give out my phone & email. Then Beer after work!It's not like it's goodbye Oh Happy Band Of Brothers. But it is goodbye, they're not bad people. Unlikely I'll see them again.

I will miss those bacon sandwiches every morning. I admit, I became somewhat porky what with 17 months worth.

It was a good long contract - 17 months. I did good work. They didn't USE any of my good work. But I did it and learned some things. Like, go for the money next time.

How do I feel? I feel good - I was pissed off for three days, have worked my viewpoint around (can't tell if it's rationalisation or dawning joy) and now I am "de-mobilization happy", a big grin ear to ear and glee suppression difficulties to match.

"Are you having a good day?" asked the IT administrator "because I am afraid I am about to spoil it." Then I was given my ten days notice.

It was all professional enough: "sorry, but no projects exist for you to work on right now", "we are very happy with your work.." &etc. I made it easy for her by being blase, it's no problem, that's fine, and so on. But really I was thinking along these lines "Huh? Seems there's loads of work to me. It's money you don't have. And you don't have it because all your projects are overbudget and staffed by consultancy contractors at twice my rate. So pick the correct excuse, why don't you?" "Got to find another contract quickly!" And also inchoate rage "You C*NT! I never liked you anyway"

The gurus of positive thinking are after us, people!

"Really?", you ask "How do they differ from other bloggers"?

I would suggest by their UNFAILING MENTIONING OF THE PRODUCT THEY WANT YOU TO BUY, and also by a tone of heart-warming personal transformation.

To convey that tone I rely on a post from another just-registered user "I found a copy of the book in an advance sale 2 months ago. I finished it straight through in like 3 days (424 pages) and then finally finished the script I was working on for a year. I optioned it on July 28. It was my first option after ten years as a writer. Then I get IMd from my wife trying to apologize after she read about it. I told her to buy the book..."

They cancelled my project and are letting me go.
From Friday, I'm out of work. Fired. Given the Royal Order of the Boot. Made redundant. Dispensed with.

First shock:"What the fuck?!"
then denial:"They can't do this to me!"
then anger: "They are such devious shits"
then fear: "What am I going to do?"
and finally "Sayonara.....suckers!"

Took me about three weeks to go through the whole set. Feel I could do it quicker if I had to.

I have a rational fear, that what comes next is going to be not a lot. People in my line (software analysts) have their jobs chopped up and sent in bits to Bangalore for reassembly by the organisational equivalent of the Keystone Cops. Happens all the time, all the time. On the other hand, I am good at what I do. But that means nothing if the demand isn't there.

I found an account of being a janitor in a dissection clinic. As he says: "it's better than working in fast food"

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2002/09/27nightshift.html

It's from a set of interviews with people who have unusual jobs:

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/unusualjobs/

and in the same site, is " "An Open letter To My Boss Who Was Fired".

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/13.html

This stuff is .... art. But I prefer the intemperate crazed yowl of angst that characterises fuckthisjob. Occasional thoughtful pieces notwithstanding.

For some people, it's a privilege of rank to treat subordinates like shit, dependent on their mood.

It can even be a twisted moral obligation, a sort of noblesse oblige. The view tends to self-reinforce - the scum take the abuse, right, so they must be scum, and scum deserve abuse, right?

I've worked for two people like that. One asshole and one cunt. And I offer you these two rules:

Rule 1 - Return Shit To Sender.

Being agreeable and willing does not get you respect from a bully. It gets you abuse. And all bullies instinctively sound out the weakness of a potential victim before cranking up the shit level. But IF YOU GIVE THE SHIT RIGHT BACK THEY BACK OFF. AND explain at high volume to anyone around that abuse like that is what you expect from a retard.

Coming in today, I had to wait to sign in. That's not normal procedure at my company - everyone has electronic swipe cards anyway. The security guard glanced over the top of his sports paper and took it upon himself to inform me that that management wanted everyone to sign in and out today, no exceptions. This unprompted observation was a major effort for him, and he immediately reverted to monitoring the sports supplement.

So I signed in. Then looked at the register. The last three entries read "Mickey Mouse". Two of these had signed out.

So he wasn't checking what anybody actually wrote.

Poor working conditions make for counterproductive misery. Obvious? Well, maybe to you and me, but it is not obvious to some: In fact, there is a type of boss, usually a partner or owner manager, to whom it gives positive pleasure when gazing across their domain to see an an office of utilitarian plastic chairs, drab decor and office-clearance desks. "Ah" they sigh "we're not wasting money here!".

Somewhere at the back of their mind is also the conviction that making people comfortable would encourage demands for other kinds of better treatment. And that it is therefore to be avoided on principle.

Schadenfreude is part of human nature. I admit to mine upfront. But what draws me back here is the need to commune with fellow-sufferers who have known the misery that a crap job can bring. [b]"Yes brother, I share your pain, they are indeed assholes". "Yes sister, you are oppressed, the creeps suck big time" [/b]And just occasionally the less Gandhi-like "Lighten up buddy- you might feel better"

I'm not in career paradise myself but thanks to the kind observations of you all, am much reconciled to the, er, hardships of my current position. And I've been doing a little thinking. This is it:

Last night I woke distressed by a nightmare. It was an anxiety dream: I was back in college, didn't have the notes for a class, failed an exam, got laughed at, ran home.

I woke unhappy, fretful, and have stayed so all day.

But it was only a dream - and about college of all things. That was *sixteen years ago*. Sure, it was a crap time in my life -I had an alcoholic girlfriend, my parents got divorced, I failed the course - but since then I have had a career, paid off a house, married happily and had two kids, and in short havn't thought about it in years.

So why this sudden casting back to the worst time of my life? why do I feel suddenly that the armour of confidence has fallen off, that everyone can tell I am a worm fit only to snigger at?