fuck this job.com

We are currently interviewing candidates for expected openings in the office. A fellow co-worker (who is leaving) gave some pretty horrific answers to questions a candidate asked-- what follows is my email to him making him aware that he acted like a tool:

Hi Immature Co-Worker,
During your answers to the questions tended to be more negative in nature. Especially when we were asked the question about the parts of the job that are difficult. The difference between the answers given by most of us and the one that I feel you gave was the spin at the end that tells the candidate the job is hard, but it's worth it in the end for some reason. That "light at the end of the tunnel," "pot of gold at the end of the rainbow," "this is what I learned from the crap I had to deal with," was missing from your answers-- and that trend is one I have noticed during the other interviews this year.

I know based on things that you have shared that your experience here has not always been as positive as you would have liked it, but I feel like you can express this-- especially to a prospective candidate in a more positive way. I think that the experiences and insight that each of us is able to share with candidates is incredibly valuable, but our role and responsibility in the interviews is to recruit candidates and I feel like sometimes you lose sight of that in your effort to really make sure the candidates know that it's not all sunshine and roses.

I understand this is a bit to take in, especially through an email, but I wanted to make sure to touch base with you and get my thoughts out before the next candidate interviews tomorrow. I welcome the opportunity to speak about this in person when you have time. I just wanted to make your aware of my observation and bring this to your attention and this was the most efficient means available. Thanks for considering my thoughts and let me know what you think.
Sincerely,
The left hand of Satan

Pretty mild right? Well here's what he sent back... I added my thoughts-- the things I would have liked to say to him listed below each paragraph. To make the distinction between his actual email and mine easier to see I put different characters between the paragraphs

Left Hand of Satan,
Well I would have like you to talk to me about this in person so I can put my spin on it as well. I think this route has not provided me an opportunity to spin it in my direction. Especially when I know you shared this with our supervisors like always. In my defense, I would say that I was extremely PC with all of the candidates. I do not lie to candidates or stretch the truth. I learned this through previous poor work experiences.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Duh, I totally said that I would have preferred this to occur in person... thanks for actually reading my email. And you are exactly right, I share everything with the bosses-- they know all about every dirty little secret that everyone in the office has shared withme. Since I am so tight with the bosses they also know my favorite foods, immunization records, preferred sexual position, and are my emergency contacts. I rotate sleeping with each one of them from time to time. Yes, that's right I've gotten to be the favorite in the office by blowing them all. Back to the topic at hand... if you think you were PC with the candidates then you are seriously deluded... that or you think that PC means pro-choice or personal computer or pouty child. Personally I think it was the last one, and yes, you were extremely PC. Yeah, I think you can be honest and up-front about possible shortcomings, but I also think that you can do it in an appropriate way. This is where I think that you fall short. The candidates deserve to know exactly what they are getting themselves into, but for the love of God you could do it in a different way than you have done so far.

++++++++ICW+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I was never negative during the interviews earlier in the year, and if you ever thought I was then I would say shame on you for not talking to me at that point and waiting to bring it up now. As our expectations of each other, I would hope that we can talk to each other about these issues.
~~~~~~~LHoS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You were never negative during the interviews? Really?? I'm sorry Negative Nelly, but you are the personification of negative... if you look in the dictionary next to negative you will see a picture of your bitter disillusioned face. I'm sorry that I didn't have the time to confront your negativity during the earlier interview, I was just trying to survive, your negativity was sucking the air from my lungs. Yes, let's bring up the expectations of each other... they certainly serve as a great crutch for you to limp around the actual issues on.

++++++++ICW+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have enjoyed things about my experience here and share those with folks on a regular basis. Sometimes, I feel that I can't share anything with anyone either positive or negative because of how you or others may think too deeply into it or take it out of context without talking to me. I know this because I hear about it from our supervisors. I know you have things you haven't shared with me the whole year, which makes me sad. I would challenge you in your professional growth to have those conversations with colleagues about issues or concerns you may have. This is the very concept that leads into the fundamental problem we have on the team and why others don't trust each other.
~~~~~~~~~LHoS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If everyone takes the stuff that you say out of context, then perhaps you are the one who doesn't understand the concept of context. I'm sorry that Boss B used you as his personal whipping boy last year, but if you didn't make it so fun for him or use your wife to run to Boss A to complain about the way you were being treated or just fucking stood up to Boss B for 1 second (because really B folds like a deck of cards) you would have dealt with the problem in about 2 seconds... but then you wouldn't have all the stories to talk about how horrible things at this job were when (if) you get another one. I don't share problems or concerns about you with you because 1) you are the most negative person I have ever met 2) you rarely stick your head above ground so I rarely have any concern to discuss with you. I'm unaware of these alleged concerns that I have about you, and I'm sorry that you are sad. I do in fact confront my peers. I also confront my supervisors-- maybe you should try it, but first take the pacifier out of your mouth it'll help trust me. "We" don't trust each other because "we" don't trust the supervisors the way that we should. Every time that I have taken something to one of them it has been necessary either personally or professionally so don't talk about shit you know nothing about. But if we want to hobble around on the expectations crutch again I think that what I am doing is, in fact, one of our expectations.

+++++++++++ICW++++++++++++++++++++++++
I believe as part of our professional responsibility is to talk to candidates about the great things we do and the challenges we have as well. This is the only way a candidate can make an informed decision about us and the fit with our department. This is a fundamental concept shared by many professionals in the field. No place is perfect. I am really offended that you challenged my role and responsibility to recruit people to this office. I feel that I have been pre-judged on this on many occasions which have you noticed I am not hosting a candidate this year. I have offered my help with no response. I think people are probably afraid of me with candidates, which is absolutely ridiculous.
~~~~~~~~~~LHoS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't talk to you because one question leads into a two hour dissertation about the question, state of the nation, problems you had at your previous job, how you've been screwed over during your time here, and how I am the favorite... and because generally you are a negative person.... FYI I don't have time in my day to deal with your shit and mine. No I didn't notice that you weren't hosting a candidate, unfortunately my world does not revolve around you. Here's my take, perhaps it's because you aren't returning and it wouldn't really be useful for them to get to know someone who they will have no contact with next year. No one is singling you out. Stop whining about it.

++++++++++ICW+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I am a dedicated and committed professional and I always have been. There are lots of professionals in the field that respect what I do and have mentored me to be a better professional. You would want me to say has Boss A did this for me, and I would say no he hasn't. That is not good nor bad and Boss A and I have talked about a bunch of things as of late. I think we are under an understanding that we probably let each other down in our relationship and that we could have done better. I see Boss A starting to change and not being as rough as he has been in the past. I think this is a good thing for him and I applaud him for that.
~~~~~~~~~~~LHoS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think that you probably have done good things for the people you supervise, yeah for you. And I'm also sure that you've done it all on your own. You've had no help or support or guidance from anyone, at all. I cry for you daily. I don't care if you give Boss A credit for anything, I'm not his personal monitor of "recognition he should be receiving, but isn't," I don't fucking care if you love him or hate him, I don't understand how this is even relevant. I'm sure that he really appreciates and respects your applause too, I'll be sure to pass it along to all three of our supervisors in between the daily telling of secrets and blow jobs. Maybe if you pulled your head out of whatever dark moist recess it is hiding in you would see WHY Boss A has acted or treated us the way he has in his time here. A's world doesn't revolve around you either, but you sure do pitch a fit when it doesn't and make efforts to try to get it to go in that direction. Maybe if you looked at the bigger picture and all of the larger things that Boss A has done for us or on behalf of us (most of which we don't even have a clue have happened) you would be a little grateful for what you've been given. You bitched about your wife's second pregancy until the child was born, you did this in front of a man who would give anything to have more children. You talked daily how you wished she wasn't pregnant and that you weren't ready to have another child, in front of a man who almost lost his family while trying to have one. You are amazingly sensitive and I am sure that Boss A will take your applause and put it in a really special place.

+++++++++++ICW+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Other feedback I would have for you since you approached the subject. I have noticed that you confront the supervisor first before you talk to the co-worker about the issues. This causes lots of issues with in the team and puts out a negative perception of you. I feel like when you do this especially to me, you are making yourself look good and me look bad to the supervisors. This causes them to have a negative image or pre-judge me without talking to me.
~~~~~~~~LHoS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well maybe if you stopped to consider the organizational chart you would notice that the people you are speaking about are above us in the chart, this generally denotes a su-per-vis-o-ry position. I'm not sure how things work on your world, but I thought it was your supervisor who dealt with concerns of their subordinates. When I have a concern that needs to be addressed, I am not afraid to do it. I don't always involve the supervisors, if you would ever talk to me, because yes the communication street runs both ways and you clearly have some deep seeded issues with me, you might know that I actually only refer the important things to the supervisors. Most of the time I just deal with things without consulting them. Me talking to my supervisors (which is a right of mine in this job) about my-coworkers does not create issues, oh no my friend, the issues are already there. If that causes me to be perceived negatively then I am damn glad to be perceived in that way. If someone is pissy because they fucked something up or I felt the need to address something with them and my supervisor happens to know about it, and they just can't deal with it well then I think it's time to find a new profession. That and grow up. You continue to go back to this alleged issue that I have with you. I can say with certainty that I've not complained about you in any form or fashion... once again, just to refresh you on the topic... My. World. Does. NOT. Revolve. Around. You. I confront things because it's the right thing to do and NEEDS to be done. The things you've done--and you alone-- have created the perception of you that exists in the department. I don't even know how it would be possible for them to pre-judge you based on me since they have all known you for longer than me. Oh wait, you must have found out about my secret time traveling machine that I use just to go back in time to fuck with your life because for some reason you are the person I would choose to time travel for. Oops, sorry.

+++++++++++++++ICW+++++++++++++++++++
I would hope that you could someday feel comfortable enough to talk to me about what is on your mind. I think we both could learn a lot from that process and my door has always been open for that conversation.
~~~~~~LHoS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh good grief do we need to cover this again. The whole purpose of the email was to start the conversation. You really ARE a dumb fucker

~~~~~~LHoS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My last thought is why don't you just go fuck off. Since you've clearly checked out and I really don't want to deal with you, just go away, preferably far away. I really, truly hope that you get a job in another state and make your poor family move. It would be less BS to deal with next year. Please go away, please go away soon, and take that other dumb fucker from the office with you.

I would tell you to have a great day, but I'm sure you would just think that I had an ulterior motive and more than likely you are going to have a shitty day anyway. So I hope you have a craptastic day. The kind dreams are made of.
Hugs and Kisses,
Left Hand of Satan